segunda-feira, 17 de agosto de 2009

Nem à katanada gosto de lá entrar

A minha casa é a figura encarnada da Lei de Lavoisier: Na Natureza nada se perde, nada se cria, tudo se transforma.

Aqui em casa é igual. Nada vai para o lixo a não ser que seja mesmo necessário. Assim sendo, acumula-se tudo na cave.
É o único lugar do planeta onde a resposta à pergunta "Onde guardas as bicicletas?" passa por "Entre as armaduras do meu tetra-tetra-tetra-avô e a Arca-da-Aliança".
A quantidade imensurável de caixotes de plástico e cartão que "podem vir a dar jeito" definem as paredes da cave e, por esta altura, já vivem em simbiose com a própria casa. A amálgama de objectos inúteis encaixotados, móveis velhos e lixo, com o passar dos anos, fundiu-se com uma consola de jogos antiquíssima minha. Que apesar de, pela altura em que foi posta de parte, ser apenas uma caixa de plástico preta com botões e com os circuitos totalmente partidos e soltos lá dentro, foi também guardada, porque "um dia ia ser arranjada e eu ainda ia querer jogar nela de novo". Claro. Quem não ia ter saudades da época em que controlava um quadrado, que disparava rectângulos a outros quadrados. O "Guerras Geométricas" como eu lhe chamava.
Dessa fusão entre aquela escória plastificada e todo o resto de porcaria desnecessária, surgiu uma massa disforme e autónoma, que se enraizou nas fundações do edifício e que se diverte a jogar Tetris com os amontoados de caixas que lá são armazenados diariamente. Antes de os ingerir ruidosamente.

Qualquer objecto que se arrume por lá, se não for recuperado nas primeiras 24 horas, fica com as hipóteses de ser reencontrado reduzidas para cerca de apenas 10%.
Ao fim de 48 horas, a enorme massa de entulho mutante que lá habita, lança os seus braços (feitos de caixas e brinquedos antigos de praia) em volta dele e então é o adeus: já foi completamente assimilado pelo monstro.

Daí que eu abomine veementemente, quando me pedem a mim para ir lá abaixo ligar o esquentador.
Primeiro, porque os meus pais estão tão afeiçoados e são de tal maneira diligentes com as relíquias que por lá guardam, que mandaram instalar um scanner de retina à porta da cave. Em minha casa, é mais fácil roubar televisões, leitores de DVD, computadores ou qualquer outro electrodoméstico, do que uma termos de café com 40 anos.
E segundo, porque quem partiu a consola toda, obviamente fui eu, e ela gosta sempre de me cuspir telhas velhas de cada vez que desço ao seu covil.

O entulho mutante alicerçou-se de tal maneira, que quando eu ia a sair para a escola ouvia sempre:

- Diverte-te em Geometria, saco-de-órgãos!

E quando finalmente respondi que não tinha essa disciplina, uma telha saltou do telhado, na minha direcção.

146 comentários:

Lipa disse...

No teu aniversário vais receber uma embalagem de sacos do lixo industriais e o nº de telefone da AGERE. Quem é amiga? :P

Sílvia disse...

E depois a minha mãe diz que eu é que tenho dificuldade em deitar as coisas velhas ao lixo... lol

****

Coiso disse...

E eu a pensar que o meu pai tinha a mania de guardar tralha na garagem...

E "saco-de-órgãos" é muito bom! :)

Abraço!

Miepeee disse...

E que tal manda-los de ferias e contratar uma empreza que carrega entulho????
Sou uma desgovernada, deito tudo fora ....ehehehe
Beijinhos.

Sophie disse...

A tua cave é irmã do meu sótão.

pensamentovadio disse...

É pa uma termos com 40 anos isso é que era..

Eu morri com as telhas voadoras..genial!

Majo disse...

Na onda da Sophie... a tua cave é prima do meu anexo... mas só por esta semana porque até Sábado vai tudo direitinho para o lixo. Ai vai, vai... nem que voem telhas, tijolos e tudo o mais que o meu "monstro" anexo se lembre!

Só ainda não sei como vou lidar com as assombrações da minha mamã... que era tão, mas tão agarrada às coisas que com toda a certeza me vai assombrar desde onde quer que esteja...

Bjinhos ;)

Daniela disse...

Podia-se chamar à tua cave "o museu do lixo", não??

lol

bjinho

Rosie Dunne disse...

eu cá nao tenho dificuldade nenhuma em deitar para o lixo o que esta a mais. agora, aquelas coisas que perdemos e nao encontramos em vinte e quatro horas, é como tu dizes:
"fica com as hipóteses de ser reencontrado reduzidas para cerca de apenas 10%."
nisso é exactamente a mesma coisa :)

Fátima disse...

... " uma telha saltou do telhado, na minha direcção." não me digas?! uii, medo!

Bloguótico disse...

LOOOL... pelos vistos tudo se transforma, mesmo! looool
Aposto que andas a tentar convencer os teus pais a substituir o esquentador por um inteligente... ou pelo menos a mudá-lo de divisão!! :D

sweetie disse...

Acho que isso de se guardar tudo é lugar comum! Na minha casa é praticamente a mesma coisa... mas é culpa é toda das mães normalmente (sou boa a delegar culpas =P)

Precious disse...

olha mais um ! :D vamos pensar que daqui a uns valentes anos podemos fazer vendas de garagem e ganhar muito dinheirinho [sonhar não custa...nem ocupa espaço :p] LOL *

DANTE disse...

Então imagina a minha casa pah! Sim , eu não tenho cave bolas!!! lolllllllllll

Um abraço

Martinha disse...

Eu cá sou do género: recicla, reutiliza ou renova... :)

★ Aralis ★ disse...

Eu sou do tipo de reutilizar, mas de 3 em 3 meses (give or take) empandeiro tudo..minimalista at the mostest! E assim a vida flui...é tudo muito zen sabes?...lololol~


jokitas

Joaninha disse...

Eu não guardo tralha, vai tudo pró lixo, mas compreendo, a minha mãe é uma tralheira de primeira e o meu querido marido...Basta dizer que tenho 3 carcaças de computador esventradas na varanda á coisa de 3 ou 4 anos, bocados de madeira das obras da cozinha e coisas afins...Deixei de lutar contra isso...

beeijos

Mna. Margarida disse...

Eu também tinha medo de lá entrar! :S

A minha arrecadação está na mesma! Quer dizer, ainda não tenho seres mutantes feitos de velharias a habitar lá! Mas acho que falta pouco!... Eu também não entro lá... Só a minha mãe é que tem o cógido para lá entrar! :P

Beijinhos

Spica disse...

Não queiras pôr mão nisso (no entulho). Literalmente, se possível.

Ah e não dês a desculpa dos pais e do afeiçoamento, que já todos sabemos que isso é a desculpa perfeita para a preguiça!! ;p

Daniela disse...

Tens um selinho no meu blog!!

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Ninja! disse...

Lipa, nem penses que vou eu arrumar aquela porcaria toda!

Sílvia, hihi, nááá... Arriscaria até dizer "nem de perto".

Coiso, é o teu pai e os meus também, hehe! Obrigado!

Miepeee, sim e depois eles vinham, davam conta, e apesar de não quererem nada daquilo que foi para o lixo, ainda me lixava era eu. :P

Ninja! disse...

Sophie, não duvido. :D

pensamentovadio, eu arranjo-te umas 4 e meia termos, queres? :P
Obrigado, ainda bem que gostaste. :D

Majo, então quando voltar de férias até quero ver se limpaste isso! A minha cave eu já desisti, é um caso perdido. :P

Daniela, sim, sem dúvida. :)

Ninja! disse...

Rosie Dunne, eu também não tenho, mas quando a tralha não é nossa, sabes como é... :P

Fátima, digo digo, foi mesmo na testa!

Bloguótico, não era nada mal pensado! :D Ainda bem que gostaste!

sweetie, não é nada disso, a culpa é mesmo delas...

Ninja! disse...

Precious, está combinado! Tenho para lá umas relíquias valentes, ainda devem valer qualquer coisa!

DANTE, hehe, estás bem pior então!

Martinha, pois, a tralha também era suposto ser para reutilizar...

★ Aralis ★, sim, falar é fácil! Eu não posso deitar nada fora porque não é meu! Quer dizer, algumas coisitas talvez.

Ninja! disse...

Joaninha, hihihi, essa dos computadores soou-me familiar... Mas isso é mais no meu quarto. :P

Mna. Margarida, já vais com mais sorte que eu então! :P

Spica, e não, e não! Bom, talvez. Não gosto de ti! :P

Daniela, obrigado! Não me leves a mal, não tenho por hábito meter aqui selos ou desafios, e não é por não ficar agradecido, nada disso mesmo. É mesmo por preguiça pura... =)
Mas obrigadíssimo. :D

Pochinha disse...

contigo é só rir. incendeia mas é isso tudo, ao menos livras-te da tralha! =P

tenho um selo pa ti no meu blog

Larose disse...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ...com que então com uma telha?


Havias de vir ao sotão da minha avó!

Fada disse...

Ninja!, parece-me que não queres ir à cave por puro medo.... lol

Olha, eu agora faço assim:
Coisas estragadas não recicláveis: fora.
Coisas recicláveis: reciclagem.
Roupas que não usei nos últimos 3 anos: doação.

Consigo, assim, não acumular muitas tralhas. E as que mais acumulo, são papeladas, essas é que são mais dificeis... Mas um dia, faço uma fogueirinha... ehehehe

Beijitos :)

PS - Compra o esquentador inteligente e oferece aos teus pais! :D

Lady me disse...

Credo! E eu achava que os meus exageravam! Acho que muita gente tem essa dificuldade mas aí na tua casa é mesmo levada a um extremo que até é giro! Achei imensa piada até porque enquanto lia o texto vieram à minha cabeça imagens de filmes norte-americanos de caves cheias até ao tecto xD

Na minha casa a cava está só meia, mas já o sótão xD ....


*

inwhitelight disse...

Na casa dos meus pais também é assim acho que é um hábito que se vai adquirindo com os anos. Para já em minha casa e do meu mais que tudo não há tralhas! É tudo para o lixo LOL
Gostei de te conhecer (és exactamente como tinha imaginado mas na volta já te tinha visto com a Salto Alto ) =)

Alexandra disse...

Isso faz-me lembrar as duas arrecadações cá de casa.Cheias de entulho!De todas as maneiras ainda vou achando algumas coisas do arco da velha mas úteis como tudo.
Isto há com cada coisa...
Bem,espero que a dor já tenha passado:P

Alexandra disse...

Só um P.S. muito à pressa:
Tens de ver isto.
http://gana.blogs.sapo.pt/56118.html

Marisa disse...

Ainda bem que eu não tenho uma cave, pois corria um serio risco de me acontecer o mesmo eheheh

Jinhus

Snoopy disse...

isso foi uma indirecta pa dizeres q ja n sabes da minha bicla? é q ja ta aí a uns aninhos! lol

rauf rauf


p.s: sim, eu sou um cão q anda de bicicleta! fugi do circo!!

Ninja! disse...

Pochinha, hehe, não era mal pensado, mas a tralha não é minha... Antes fosse! :D
Muito obrigado pelo selo, já lá vou passar. :)

Larose, não quero, tenho medo. Aposto que ainda é pior do que o minha cave... :P

Fada, achas? :P É só impressão tua!
Não duvido que tu consigas dar conta da tralha, eu é que não! :P

P.S.: Sim, logo a seguir a lhes dar uma casa nova também! :P

Lady me, hehe, é problema geral pelos vistos, o ser-humano gosta de tralha! :P

Ninja! disse...

inwhitelight, sim sim, dá um tempo que aposto que a tralha cresce já a olhos vistos! :P
Foi um prazer conhecer-te, e ainda bem que correspondi às expectativas. :P

Alexandra, hehe! É verdade o que dizes... Mas eu por mim... Era tudo para o lixo menos o meu carro do Batman, que ainda anda lá para baixo.

P.S.: Obrigado, já fui ver, está excelente, hehe!

Marisa, hehe, estamos todos pelos vistos. :D

Snoopy, náá, a tua bicicleta é um braço do mutante, só tens que lá ir buscá-la. :P

Pochinha disse...

Não há problema =) e de nada! ^^

Olhos Dourados disse...

Em minha casa é mais o sotão...

profpardal disse...

Não me digas que és o filho da minha tia...

profpardal disse...

Oi!
Podemos sempre aproveitar a pré-campanha eleitoral e chamar o bloco e o cds/PP para a manif. :D

Ninja! disse...

Pochinha, manda sempre! :D

Olhos Dourados, não estás sozinha, pelo que vi nos comentários!

profpardal, muito provavelmente! :P
E sim, porque não? Se for para lhes cascar, acho que ninguém se faz rogado. :P

Peter of Pan disse...

Estou cá desconfiad que essa cave tem qualquer coisa a ver com o sumiço da Maddie...

*B* disse...

Ninja?!

Tenho um miminho no meu blog! Sim, é só para chatear!

[lol]

Spica disse...

Ok, tu disseste que não gostas de mim. (Tenho cá para mim que é por ter percebido a verdade) MAS, como forma de te redimires, vê se escreves aqui qq coisa que apetece-me rir um bocado ;)

I'll waiting for...

VCosta disse...

Tu és demais...

blu (Icon) disse...

Mais umas belas risadas...
Eu acho que também tenho na minha garagem umas bicicletas e televisões de mil nove sessenta e cinco que podiam fazer parte do espólio de um qualquer museu...

sonhos/pesadelos disse...

como o post já tem uns dias,cheira-me que a telha te acertou....looool
bjs endiabrados

Daniela disse...

Dois mimos no meu blog! **

(Eu sei que não os colocas aqui, mas ofereço na mesma!!)

ZicKroft disse...

É um clássico: "Podem vir a dar jeito".
Nunca vai dar jeito, perdemos demasiado tempo e espaço com coisas que vão dar jeito.
Mas depois há outro lado, se um dia der jeito, se um dia utilizas algo que guardas-te. Atravessa-nos um sentimento de vitória incomparável, como quem diz "Tinha razão ou não tinha".

Mais um grande post.

Ninja! disse...

Peter of Pan, shiuuu! Alguém pode ouvir-te!

*B*, não chateias nada, muito pelo contrário! Espero que me desculpes não ter ido láa gradecer no tempo devido, andei um bocado afastado destas lides! Muito obrigado mesmo!

Spica, farei os possíveis e muito obrigado! :D

VCosta, hehe, muito obrigado!

Ninja! disse...

blu (Icon), é como já disse antes, é mal de 5 em cada 6 pessoas do mundo pelos vistos... :P
Muito obrigado!

sonhos/pesadelos, é que adivinhaste mesmo! :P

Daniela muitíssimo obrigado, e peço-te também a ti que me desculpes não ter ido lá agradecer como deveria, mas andei afastado disto uns tempos! Muito obrigado.
Dois mimos no meu blog! **

ZicKrof, espero bem que isso não venha a acontecer senão os meus pais não se calavam! :P
Muito obrigado!

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